Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
