we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So many bounce houses so little time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
