My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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