some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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