mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
