that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
