I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i out mim tonsoeep
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
