I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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