Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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