something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
