8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
