Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
