is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
