Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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