I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
