I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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