you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
