i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
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