sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
