thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
