So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
