please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
