I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
