I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
