I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
