She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
