Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
