apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
