Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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