I hate your face
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
