We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
