I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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