Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
