Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
