oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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