I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
