woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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