whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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