Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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