I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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