Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
