I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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