I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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