Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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