so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
