Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
