i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
