I'm jealous of your bromance
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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