we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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