Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
