She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
