She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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