There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
